I'm back!

I've been wanting to get back to blogging ever since JLand closed! Hopefully a few of you out there will remember me...
I was planning to wait until the new year, but I have a lot to say now so here goes. It's been a very challenging year for me, to put it mildly. Actually 5 months of it were pure hell. I have suffered from clinical depression that is disabling ever since age 19. I've been on a quest to try everything I can to recover my life. This entailed going to a depression research center and participating in their study. First I had to detox from all the meds I was on that were only half way (or less) working. Next I was put on Lithium, which was really awful for me regarding side effects; plus it actually did nothing for my depression and added a whole lot of anxiety and fear. Finally I was put on Effexor which my body rejected as well. For six weeks  I couldn't eat much of anything and was constantly nauseous. It did finally go away; then they had to find the right dosage. In the meantime, there was a period of at least 2 months in which I wished I were dead every day. I could not drive or even do my own grocery shopping. The goods news? With some trial and error, I at last felt better than I have since I was a teenager and for months at a time. This was fantastic after 5 months of not one day free from depression! 
I'm still good right now, but did have to go up on the meds once more; it has been a huge hassle with the health insurance company. The key for me was to go over the amount normally allowed per dosage. Right now I'm in California visiting my son for 

continued..

Christmas. I'm feeling so good! I got to go visit my family in CT for Thanksgiving also. I've sure got a lot to be grateful for. I want to reach out to anyone out there struggling with clinical or bipolar type 2 depression; if I can get stable there's hope for you too. Merry Christmas especially to all my old JLand friends from years ago.

Deborah xox